给同学的一封信A Letter to a Schoolmate

详细内容

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ALettertoaSchoolmate

14points

Iamdelightedtolearnthatyouaregoingtovisitmeduringtheweek-longholiday.Myparentswillalsobehappytoseeyouagain.Iamsureyouwillenjoyeveryminutehere.

Iknowyouarefondofswimming.Ariverliesnotfarawayfrommyhome.Wecangoswimmingthere.Ithinkitwouldbeverypleasantandrefreshingtoswiminsuchhotsummerdays.Ineverybigroomofmyhomethereisanair-conditioner.WecanwatchTV,playVCDsorreadbooksveryfortablyathome.

Amountainabouttwomilesawayfromhereisbeautifulanditisworthtouring.Wecangothereonfoot.Whenweclimbtothetopofthemountain,wecanhaveawonderfulbird-eyeviewofthewholevillage.

Justphonemebeforeyousetoff.Thereisnoneedforyoutotakeanything.I’llprepareeverythingforyou.

Iamlookingforwardtoseeingyousoon.

评析

这篇作文内容切题，提纲要求的三方面内容都写到了，通篇文字简洁流畅，连贯性也较好，其文体亦是个人书信常用的口语体。该考生语法概念清楚，句子结构正确，词语搭配基本符合英美人的习惯。例如：第一段第一句Iamdelightedtolearn…使用就很得体，别看learn这个词很简单，如果说成toknow就没有这样得体。另外，像behappytoseeyouagain，enjoyeveryminutehere，arefondofswimming，itwouldbeverypleasantandrefreshingtoswiminsuchhotsummerdays，isworthtouring，gothereonfoot，lookingforwardtoseeingyousoon等句子和表达都用得很娴熟得当，说明该考生的基本功是很扎实的。

需要改进的主要有以下几处：

1．第3段第一句Amountainabouttwomilesawayfromhereisbeautifulanditisworth

touring.语法没有错，但是，如果改成Abouttwomilesawayfromherethereisabeautifulmountain就合乎英美人的使用习惯。另外，英美人也不大会讲Amountainisworthtouring，我们讲touracity，是到一个城市观光，tourEurope是到欧洲观光，其含义是要参观访问一个城市的好几个景点，访问欧洲好多个国家，好多个风景名胜，这里上下文看不出这样的含义，用tour就不合适了，touring应为climbing。

2．第3段第3句中的bird-eyeview应为bird’s-eyeview。

3．第2段第4句和第5句之间的连接差一点，加一个转折词语，如Besides,Inaddition或Inthemeantime等读起来要好一些。

现将原文稍作修改，供读者参考：

Iamdelightedtolearnthatyouaregoingtovisitmeduringtheweeklongholiday.Myparentswillalsobehappytoseeyouagain.Iamsureyouwillenjoyeveryminuteofyourstayhere.

Iknowyouarefondofswimming.Ariverliesnotfarawayfrommyhome.Wecangoswimmingthere.Ithinkitwillbeverypleasantandrefreshingtoswiminsuchhotsummerdays.Inthemeantime,asthereisanair-conditionerineverybigroomofourhouse,wecanwatchTV,playVCDsorreadbooksveryfortablywhenwestayathome.

Abouttwomilesawayfromherethereisabeautifulmountain.Wecangetthereonfoot.Iassureyouitwillbegreatfunclimbingit.Whenwereachitstop,wecanhaveabird’s-eyeviewofthecountryformilesaround.

Justphonemebeforeyousetoff.Thereisnoneedforyoutobringanything.I’llprepareeverythingforyou.

Iamlookingforwardtoseeingyousoon.